I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My vagina is very pro this idea
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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