Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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