fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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