Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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