I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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