i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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