i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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