i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
