my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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