I'm really into asian looking animals
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
