He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
