Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
