I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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