my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
