We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
