Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
