If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
