By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
