He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
