im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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