I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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