.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
