yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
