this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
