Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
