i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
