I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
