You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
