Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
