i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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