I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
