his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
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All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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