oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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