FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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