Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
