Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
