There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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