I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Panties = found
Randomize
