Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
