would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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