I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
