I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
