allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
