I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
