we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I fill condoms, not promises.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This is my gift to your gina
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
