I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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