Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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