i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
