dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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