I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Im part way to drunk.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
