my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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