Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
