Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
