Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
