Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
