In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
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He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
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Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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