You just made me feel so damn special
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
