where am i from again
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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