we have pet lesbian snakes
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
