he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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