the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
