he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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