u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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