I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
