sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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